1. |
Self-Reflection
00:59
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When will you see me like a falling leaf
And try to catch me
As I dance around your body?
Will the moon be full, the stars all shown?
Are there places for dark eyes so cold?
Are there nightmares our love can resolve?
When will cold hands want to be held?
Become the ocean, turn to sand
Over time I'll understand my ways
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2. |
Estrogen
04:42
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The shot didn't hurt when you gave it to me
The hand it was holding when it went into my knee
I let out a sigh like I'm blowing off steam
I'm a lady
And twice a month or every day it grew like a weed
It was poison it was beautiful but it was vanity
At the show you didn't know I was blooming
Like a flower
Time goes on and all these voices
A machine with no moving parts is broken
Every particle of dust an explosion
While the Earth is revolving
Estrogen and terrifying visions on a cloud
Magic hanging smoke calls and tells me I'm getting old
In the night as the dark creeps in the voices are so loud
Estrogen like smoke hanging over the ground
Trimmed my nails and shaved my legs I guess I'm dreaming
With the rain falling treading water seeps but runs free
In a movie theater bodies sink into the seats
Tireless nights like a sequence
And twice a month or every day it grew like a weed
It was poison just the thought "am I passing?"
In the snow you didn't know I was withering
Like a flower
Moving faster now it's a rollercoaster ride
As my cells grow apart and the tides divide
At times I was so scared but the heart
Overpowers it's exhilarating
Estrogen on the roof looking over the city
Thoughts of future love and suddenly I'm empty
In the night I walk past closed storefronts with silent worry
Estrogen in the form of a song
It's been too long
Option 1 do it for a while
Let it all consume me with a smile and then feel free
Option 2 remain gender useless
Draw a figure forget which line was drawn
Sing along
Estrogen in a crowded room of language
Sparked tires as the car just died on a freeway it's dangerous
Any way you could jump into my reasoning
Estrogen but I'm staring at the ceiling
Estrogen but I'm standing on the ceiling
Tell me now before I give up the feeling.
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3. |
Kelly Green
03:27
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I grew up with a sense of awareness
The slightest touch sent me spiraling
A sudden jolt
Another minor obsession
I never managed those efficiently
Bring me your shame and I'll hold onto it
I'll wrap it up and give it meaning
Think of me as your first aid kid
I'll turn the dead leaves back into Kelly Green
Entered the stage like a game show contestant
A twinkle in her eyes, an inherent loneliness
After she lost trudged home to the silence
Thinking of all the opportunities missed
Looking through news articles for the recent suspicions
The timeline speeds up in the day
Always talking bout the latest submission
With nothing memorable to say
Bring me your shame and I'll hold onto it
I'll wrap it up and give it meaning
Think of me as your first aid kid
I'll turn the dead leaves back into Kelly Green
Got home late from work last night
For the 5th night in a row
Freezing underneath the sheets
Grateful that there's no snow
Don't let the haunted voices just settle
Leave work where it left you
Put water in the kettle
And think of what represents you
Bring me your shame and I'll hold onto it
I'll wrap it up and give it meaning
Think of me as your first aid kid
I'll turn the dead leaves back into Kelly Green
I'll be your shame but I won't hold onto it
I'll wrap it up and give it away
Have you struggled with pain?
Wash yourself with it til you're clean
I'm starting over
I'm creating something different
Repainting the walls Kelly Green
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4. |
Can't Forget (Cigarette)
03:07
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Tie-dye my shirt into a heart I wanna watch
Tying my shoes tighten the knot It's getting dark
Silly and fun you close the door I'm staying warm
Simple patterns begin to form I'm being warned
Look me in my eyes and tell me i'm doing the right thing
When did the kid get lucky? When did the kid get lucky?
When did the kid become me?
When i went on the path
I saw above the highway overpass something
Triggering terrifying unsettling
Now i remember the all-too-familiar scent of
Being rejected, feeling neglected
In the editing room
It was a smell that you can't forget: Cigarettes
Climbed out of your window
Just to see the roof
Don't know if it's proof of love
But it's just something I got caught up on
You were the one
You were the last
You made my time just fade right past and i'm trying to not hold on to those memories.
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5. |
Danny
05:08
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Moving around all the time I get the feeling
I'm not where I'm supposed to be
Acting a lot like I'm living in a movie
Time slows, paused, I'm looking back at me
Tried to do this thing where I play lost
All my thoughts crumbled up and tossed
Movie theatres and parking lots
Ancient trains and living rooms
Memorized like lessons taught
Photographed and zoomed in
I studied the patterns as they carried me
A frozen picture on the canvas dried and hard
The leaves are broken up and trembling
I filed your cards and letters, I'll write back one day
Trialed questions and correct answers
Something's standing in my way
Sweeping popcorn from a mirror
Washing water from a tray
Tired voices whisper to me
"What's the point in a hopeless world?"
Freaking out about a movie
You saw me spin but I twirled
Further back I saw the golden rule
It told me "Daddy's worried but he'll make it work"
I made a choice to be the best that I could be
So I changed my name from Danny
Crowded subway stations, morning
Waking up from no sleep
Haunted memories of sadness
Wondering where do journeys lead?
I'm wandering
I'm wondering,
I'm traveling
To distant peaks
I'm wandering
I'm wondering
I'm traveling
To distant peaks
I'm wandering
I'm wondering
I'm traveling
To distant peaks
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6. |
Raindrops
04:42
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Who am I to you?
A cloth to pour liquid through
What is it I treasure?
The leftover memories of those days
I learned to blink and memorize
Actions without shape or color
Ideas on a string
Watch them all fall away
How did you feel when I didn't call?
So I stayed in bed all day all winter long
She looks in the mirror sees double
One of you has to stay
Looked over my notes again
Harsh words on a piece of paper
Why always the color red?
When her lips moves its like a dance
Down the road there's a tunnel
Walk under it, float up
Film the raindrops, a puddle
The glistening of rice fields
Hitchhike to the next town
Ask for a job at the bookstore
Gender-bend on Tuesdays as "The Clown"
I'll never forget the way New York felt in my bones
I'm tapping, I'm alone
In the rainforest I saw the biggest spider
Wish it'd bite me now
I still see the plane fly over the cemetery
Where I felt it end
And that thing you told me about being human resonated
Deeper than a well.
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7. |
It Was All A Movie
03:31
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I cried walking home from the thought of it
All of the unknowns made me wanna quit
You look into my eyes and absolve it
I could never realize I don't want it
The night was bright green
And leaves looked like they were changing colors
I laughed at my scene
And i went and cried under the covers
It was all a movie when I thought about it
The scenes were cut so gently and edited
Throw me onto the screen
And I will act my part again
I won't need no medicine
I'll memorize it
So I walk home
No faster to my friends house
I can't be alone
No I need someone to help me with the doubt
Call on me I need to be with you
And if you have the answers I'm gonna need proof
I don't knock on the door anymore
I sit here and listen for a sign
I'm fine, I'm here
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8. |
Jenny
05:20
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Jenny hasn't seen her family in a while...ever since the change
She takes the greyhound bus 300 miles
Maybe this time the narrative will rearrange
Jenny eats two popcorn flavored saltwater taffies
The irony of the moment HITS
As she chews and processes the memories
Jenny decides she'll quit
It's been 3 months cigarette-free
And Jenny's still feeling withdrawal
In the bathroom mirror Jenny has an epiphany
This has forced me to see my personality flaws
Jenny hits the mirror
She stares at her phone and forgets
The full moon barefoot eyes sore
Will she change or keep the regret?
It's been 15 years since her first kiss
Under the apple tree at the lawn at night
Girl you're an Aquarius
Your body wants to change try not to fight
She came up at the bitter end of things
Jenny speaks so quietly but she's dying to be seen
A car passes by her in a moment of silence
Jenny gives a hidden wink
It's unusual to feel so excited by the moment but it went by too quick
She's dragging her feet at night on the street
Jenny's memorizing poems
In the morning she'll work on the self-critique
Right now Jenny's chillin at home
Monitor the way you get excited
Repeat after me "You're not alone"
What you're doing is self-harmful and violent
Please just pick up the phone
It's been 15 years since her first real kiss
Outside of the photography room
Girl you're an Aquarius
For once give yourself a free pass
She's an Aquarius, she's an Aquarius, oooh, oooh
She's an Aquarius, she's an Aquarius, oooh, oooh
She's an Aquarius, she's an Aquarius, oooh, oooh
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9. |
Joints
03:34
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I talk in circles til I notice the fog
Ice in hot water, the smoke on the ground
Then in the morning when I get the applause
All of the roses, they dried up brown
I sweep my feelings now they're under the rug
The coffees bitter, I don't make a sound
My friends they notice when something's wrong
All my desires, nowhere to be found
Walking up a wall
My body slips like a cannonball
Suddenly I'm free
Joints everywhere like popcorn seeds
In late December I got really sick
Driving through windy roads and heavy hills
Loaded my body with some vitamins
It took me three weeks til I got the thrill again
Walking down the hall
The lockers slammed like a symphony
Transported to resolve
I came out again in my fever dream
And time brought me closer
To thinking about decisions
I can't start over until I finish
Finding what I'm missing
Is it in my body or in mind?
Is it deep inside me or hard to find?
Introspective silence but trying to rhyme
Pull it out like a tug of rope
Walking up a wall
Apologize to myself from up above
Joints in my feet, slow down my heartbeat
And suddenly I'm free
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10. |
R U Gay?
02:07
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R U GAY?
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CUNTSTOMER SERVIXXX Oakland, California
Jessica Friedman began Cuntstomer Servixxx from behind the concession stand at a movie theatre in LA. Since then, she has recorded with artists in New York and now lives and performs in Oakland, CA. She is a diva on stage and off.
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